RISKY RED FLAG-OLD COUPLES SLEEPING IN SEPARATE BEDROOMS-WHAT SECRETS?

Tips to Put Relationships Back on Track with an Older Couple

Relationships are difficult to maintain. They require constant and careful management. Sometimes the right course of action is to let things be, but other times it’s necessary to take steps to get your relationship back on track. Think of marriage as a verb rather than a noun. When you are struggling in the trenches of distance and resentment, remember why you chose this person. Consider the larger purpose of the life you have created together. What are your shared dreams, values and beliefs? Here are five red flags that I see often in my practice.

Take your time--

This one is simple but often overlooked. You’re dealing with someone who is a different person from the person you met and fell in love with. You’re both likely to have kids, have changed jobs, and generally have a lot more responsibility than you did when you first met. This is the perfect time to appreciate your significant other for all that he is, and not just the person he was.

Remember:-- No relationship is perfect, so don’t stress out if things are taking longer than you’d like them to. If your relationship is strong enough to withstand the growing apart, it will be strong enough to withstand the growing together as well.

Sleeping in separate bedrooms--

cute elderly couple-separated{1}

When couples have given up on one another, one partner often moves to a different bedroom Whether benign or not, once people get used to sleeping apart, it’s far harder to come back together. 

What to do--Get back in the same bedroom.  If you really must sleep separately for medical reasons, then at least do daily cuddle dates in one person’s bed.

Keep communication channels open--

As much as possible, let your partner in on what is going on in your life. Keep the lines of communication open. If you’re in a committed relationship, you may be tempted to keep your partner in the dark.

Remember:--They want to be in your life, too. Let them know if you’re going on a vacation, if you’re going to be out of town for a few days, or if you’re going to be visiting family for a few days. Let them know that you’ll be home late to see a movie or play. Let them know about your other friends and family members. Your partner wants to be a part of your life, not just a part of your relationship.

Do what you can to stay positive--

No matter what has gone wrong in your relationship, it’s important to try to stay positive. This can be hard when you’re dealing with relationship issues, but keep telling yourself that you will get through it.

What to do--Stay focused on the positives. When things are going well, give your partner a call or a text. Send a quick email to let them know how much you love them. Be spontaneous and do something nice for your partner every once in a while. It may not seem like it, but it will make a difference.

A significant drop in sexual contact--

She said this made her feel like I {2}

When couples stop having sexual contact, their energy is typically pointed somewhere else. Restarting a sex life is just as difficult as getting back in the same bedroom: 

What to do-- Break the ice anyway. You may need to approach this with baby steps if things feel really uncomfortable. Start by coming together in a relaxed way with no agenda for actual sex. Try a meditation where you face one another. Take a bath together. Cuddle in bed. 

Use fun and playful time together--

Remember that time when you and your partner first met? Do you remember how much fun you had together? You’re lucky if you still have that same energy and love for each other.

What to do-- Take the time to act on it. Get out of the house and go to a museum or a ballgame. Take a road trip and go somewhere new. Go out to dinner and talk about old times. Do something that you love together. Your relationship is like a very important piece of art. The more you look at each other, the more you will see the beauty in your relationship.

Stay positive through tough times--

Relationships are complicated, and they’re full of ups and downs. You may be dealing with relationship problems, but don’t let them break you and your partner up. Stay strong. Don’t lash out at your partner. Stay positive and remember: you can still be a great partner even when things are not perfect. Your significant other doesn’t want to be just friends. He or she wants to be with you.

What to do-- Making things better in a relationship takes effort, compromise, and forgiveness. If you’re ready to make things right in your relationship, follow these tips and make your relationship the best it can be.

Preferring quality time by yourself--

A subtle but risky red flag is when couples stop spending quality time together — from going on dates to taking walks, to having sex and prefer to spend time alone.

What to do-- Find new, fun outlets together to create shared experiences. Couples will shed a layer of their previous existence as they grow and change through the years. If you’ve grown more apart than together, be intentional about finding new hobbies and activities to create alignment and quality time.

Building a pile of unspoken secrets--

Of all the possible danger signs, this one may be the most destructive. When one person gets angry at another, it is often because they want more connection or a different kind of connection than what is being offered. But when people start to store their anger quietly, building a list of wrongs in their heads, then the anger can morph into deep-seated resentment.

What to do-- Clear out the resentments, then get laughing. With this red flag, a therapist can be particularly helpful. A professional can help you sort out the origins of resentments and cause for secrets. Whether you choose professional support or not, make sure you try to add more laughter to your life.  Don’t know where and how to laugh? Find a TV comedy series or buy tickets to a live comedy show.

how to laugh?

CLICK TO KNOW MORE...